Well another birthday has been and gone...26 now, and unemployed. Seriously, I'm now looking for anything. The agencies are awful, the admin jobs require typing qualifications (just give me a computer - I'll show you I can type!) and anything in media or design just isn't there. I have registered my CV with as many websites I can find, look every day, troll through papers, scrape through pages and pages of anything on the internet, and still nothing. I have looked in Sheffield, London, Manchester, and every application letter I carefully fill in, I don't even get a reply from. And to make things worse, another rejection for the publishing of my book. I feel like I'm useless. I can't get basic admin because I'm overqualified, and I can't get any design work because I'm under qualified. I have looked at courses, but many don't even start until Sept, and why should I fork out money to change my career, when I have perfectly good qualifications already?! This economy is mad, and I know lots of other people in the same boat, but you just feel so helpless, and as I don't even get any dole money (Matt's wages can apparently pay for all out needs, and yet over 1/2 of it goes on rent alone). I don't want to be a scrounger, I WANT to work. I want a career!
Why is everything so tough at the moment? It feels like I'm getting older and yet more problems just keep pouring down on my head. The only thing that keeps me sane is my writing, and yet no one seems interested in taking on a fantasy writer. I know I write for myself, and that is the important thing, but I do get asked when the next book will be out, and I feel like a total failure when I can't even reply. I hate letting people down. It's all written, just no one wants to publish it or take a chance on me. I am fed up of people saying things will get better when for the past few years everything has got progressively worse. It's like I'm standing on the edge of a knife, stray but a little (wait...that's from Lord of the Rings...) but you know what I mean. It's so easy to fall off and end up somewhere you really don't want to be... namely depression. But spending nearly every day searching for jobs whose advertisers don't even thank you for applying can be utterly soul destroying. I knew with the book it would take time, but at least publishers are polite enough to send you a rejection letter by post.
I know I'm ranting, but sometimes it all builds up and you just have to release it, or you'll go pop. I'm feeling really tired and just want this all to end. Please, someone, give me a job. I make great tea, I can type, and I can make people laugh with my randomness. I'm nice! Please... someone...anyone... employ a Zoe!